Shying From the Stage
by Color With Marker
Summary: Sister piece to Role Reversal. For Maureen, being straight was just too much to handle.


Maureen knew they were destined to fail.

In the kind of world they lived in, people like Mark and Maureen were frowned upon. Disgusting. People would cross to the other side of the street if they saw the couple walking and holding hands. Any forms of affection were considered gross. People would whisper derogatory things to them while passing by. Hetero. Breeders. Sinners. Wait until God sends you to hell. It made Maureen nervous. Usually she didn't give two shits about what others said about her, but this was different. Why couldn't she have the confidence that Roger and April and Mark had? She wanted to hug or kiss on the sidewalk or in a restaurant without someone overreacting. She wanted to protect Mark from any men who spat on or occasionally attacked him. But she didn't. She couldn't. What would others think? She'd already lost two jobs because she wasn't gay. Her parents refused to speak to her unless she started dating a woman, and Mark's parents had cut him off entirely for not dating boys. (Ironically, in everyone's opinion, it was because they discovered that Mark wasn't dating Roger, of all people.) What else was there possibly left to lose?

She would sit up late at night in either of the rooms with April, talking about it. "It just feels... wrong," she'd said. "You and Roger are so lucky."

April had snorted. "How?"

"You guys aren't constantly attacked by strangers when we go out together. How come?"

April looked around to make sure no one else was around. "If I tell you, you have to promise not to tell Mark, or tell Roger that you know."

Seemed simple enough for the diva. "I promise."

"Well, once in a while, we shake things up by going to this club downtown where you switch partners."

Maureen's eyes had bulged. "You hook up with other guys?" she hissed.

"No, I hook up with other girls," April corrected nonchalantly. "Roger is the one who takes the guys." Maureen tried to picture Roger with another guy. It was almost impossible. "Look, we're doing what we need to for our own safety," April said. "If you want to be safe too, you should try it sometime." With that, the redhead had stood up and left the room. Minutes later, Mark had come in.

"You look like you've seen a ghost," he'd said. Maureen shook her head and snapped back into her usual character.

* * *

When April committed suicide, Maureen sat in her room alone. Her best friend had AIDS, and apparently, so did Roger. Roger assumed April caught it during a bar fight that'd taken place months ago between April and three other girls, all lesbians who were disgusted by the hetero couples. Maureen thought it might've been something else. Roger and April slept together and with others on a regular basis. There was a chance April had caught it from a random girl; however, she might've received it from Roger, who could've been infected by a random guy he'd picked up.

She'd stood up and paced around her and Mark's room. What was she supposed to do now? April was the braver of the two. If another person saw her as prey, who would help defend her? Mark was weaker, and Roger was most likely not leaving the loft for the longest time. Benny was living the straight life, but no one cared that the Westport Greys were a rich, successful, straight family. Collins was at MIT. This was almost too much for the diva. She slammed her fist down on the dresser. A flashlight toppled over and a piece of paper flew in front of Maureen. Curious, she picked it up.

_The Kink Club_

_10 & D_

An hour later, Maureen had found herself in a club where she wasn't too sure who was dating who. Men and women came in together and separated to find a person of the same gender to hook up with. The most provocative was a woman in rubber, who strutted right up to the confused diva.

"Come here often?" she purred in Maureen's ear.

"First time," Maureen said. Her voice had cracked. Why was she so nervous? Usually she was the one who made people weak at the knees. Maybe it was the guilt, or the fear of what could happen.

"Wanna make it memorable?" The woman ran her hand up Maureen's bare leg, trying to snake its way under the denim skirt. A different hand, one much darker than either woman's, shot out and snatched the woman in rubber's hand away.

"Don't prey on the newbies," the darker woman warned. The rubber-clad woman made a face and sauntered off to find her new victim. Maureen's savior smiled weakly. "I'm sorry about that," she said. "She's known to hit on everybody. I'm Joanne." Joanne held out her hand. Maureen shook it.

"Maureen," she said.

"Well, Maureen, can I buy you a drink? You look stressed."

Maureen gulped and nodded. What could one drink do?

* * *

Six months into this affair, Maureen couldn't keep the secret from Mark anymore. He was more than her boyfriend, he was her best friend. This hurt her just as much as it was going to hurt him. Late at night, one of the few nights she was in bed the same time he was, they were lying in bed together, holding on to each other. Maureen's heart was going to pound out of her chest.

"Mark, what if we were normal?" she whispered.

Mark snorted. "Define 'normal'."

Maureen shifted her position so she was on top of him, looking deep into his eyes. Their nonverbal communication was much stronger than their words. Mark understood immediately. His look said everything for her. There was no way they could be the kind of normal she meant. It was who they were.

"What's her name?" Mark asked.

"Joanne," Maureen admitted. She tried to keep herself from crying. "I really do love her," she continued. "Not as much as you, but almost as much. She showed me how to love a woman."

"So you're bi?"

"I guess so."

Mark sighed. "I can't hate you for being who you are," he said. "Even if you cheated, I can understand."

Maureen furrowed her brow. "Why aren't you mad at me? You should hate me," she said quietly. She didn't want Roger to hear her and yelling at her for cheating on his best friend.

"Because I've thought about doing the same thing so many times," Mark answered. "I used to just sit around late at night and think, The Kink Club isn't too far. Maybe I'll meet the right guy who'll save me from this hell I'm stuck in. But I couldn't bring myself to do it. I'm glad one of us did." He gave Maureen a lingering kiss. Both of them knew it'd be one of the last. "When do you move out?"

"Tomorrow." Maureen moved off of Mark and hugged him close to her. "I don't know how you can be like this. So... forgiving."

"The world is so fucked up even I don't know sometimes," Mark said.

* * *

Now, here she was, standing in the hospital room, looking at Roger. This is the price he had to pay for being straight. Concussion, broken ribs and nose. It was too much for anyone to handle. Mimi was traumatized and staying with Collins and Angel for now. She refused to stay at her apartment alone. Mark hadn't left the hospital, but he was going to stay with Maureen and Joanne when he finally did. He couldn't stand to be alone right now either. Joanne was gone and told Maureen that she left the car for her before calling a cab. Whenever Mark was ready, they'd go. He was busy staring at his sleeping best friend now.

Was she a coward? She'd switched teams while her two best friends braved it out. They continued to get spat on and attacked in bathrooms while she sat in bars making out with Joanne constantly. They were brave. She wasn't. And she wanted her friends to be brave. But she also wanted them to be safe.

"Mark," she said hoarsely.

"Hmm?"

"I need you to do something for me."

"Shoot."

"I need you to do what I did."

Mark glanced over and knew exactly what Maureen meant. One of the few things that hadn't changed was the nonverbal communication and knowing glances they constantly shared. "Mo, I can't," he said. "You know I can't. I've tried."

"Look, I know you did, and I love you no matter who you are, but I'm worried about you." Maureen took a deep breath. "Just look at Roger. No offense, but if those two men came back and went after you, you'd probably be in a coma. We're lucky this was the only thing that happened to Roger. I'm... I'm worried about you, Marky." She sniffled. "I don't want to lose you." She threw her arms around him, nearly knocking the filmmaker over.

"I know, Mo," he said.

"Please, at least try. For me, for you." She pulled away and gave him a kiss. "I don't want to risk lose anyone again."

"Okay."

Maureen giggled. "Plus, I think you're wearing out your right hand."

Mark rolled his eyes. Not even Maureen could take anything too seriously.


End file.
